Musings on death on a rainy Sunday afternoon

My mother is back in the hospital, and likely won't come out this time. I'm not trying to go see her. It's too far, and I don't have the money for gas, motel bills, etc.to go sit a death watch that could last days or weeks. She's where brother and his family live, and they should be there. Mom isn't really there now.

I'll go pay my respects when she's buried next to my dad.

I went to see her at the nursing home for a last goodbye, after she broke her hip. She was already fragile, and I figured she would go downhill rapidly. When I went in, she didn't know who I was until I told her. She forgot who I was several times during my visit, which I'm sure she completely forgot as soon as I was out the door. But I told her I love her, and her spirit remembers that.

The last couple of months, her mind has been completely gone.

I started dreaming about her a week before I got a call about the latest hospitalization, and I'm sure her spirit has left, too. She was letting me know that. It's just the remains of her body in that hospital bed.

This is a joyous occasion for my mother. She had always hated the idea of being helpless in any way. It was a blessing when she didn't realize anymore she was in a nursing home.

I've been meditating and praying. It's been a good, rainy afternoon, the kind of rain that washes away tears and pain.

Go in peace, Mom. Your creator will heal all your wounds and infirmities, and lift you up as on eagle's wings.


UPDATE 9-10-07

Mom's nurse said Mom is having difficulty breathing, even with a breathing mask, and her blood pressure is low. The nurse called Mom's condition "guarded," rather than "critical," which I take to mean they are not sure how long she will last.

UPDATE 9-13-07

Mom died around 6 o'clock or so this morning. I'm relieved for her; I know she is where she wants to be. Her mind is restored and she's out of that weak shell.

I've been shedding some tears, but I already did much of my grieving after the last visit with her. The warmth and caring of my friends, including all of you, are making this time so much easier than it would be. My love and thanks to you all.

He's giving me hysterics

Hysterical laughing fits, that is. You have to go over to Clumber's and take a gander at his funnies.

If the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion dissolve, at least we'll go down laughing.

A visitor to my back yard

Good God almighty. I walked into my back yard this morning to find this critter sitting in her web, hanging from a tree.




I'm not usually nervous around spiders, but when they're big and tough looking, and displaying colors and patterns (often associated with poisonous creatures), I get a bit nervous. I took this photo of the arachnid and used it to compare to some online spider id information, and it's apparently a female orb spinner -- not poisonous. They enjoy crunching on grass hoppers and other insects.

This spider's body is a good inch long, and from leg-tip to leg-tip, probably three inches or so.

If anybody who better knows spiders recognizes it as something different, let me know. I'll leave it in peace in the meantime. There are lots of spiders in Florida, but only a few are poisonous.

I had a little house spider living in my bathroom cupboard for a good while. He found a little space between the cabinet and the wall, and would emerge from it now and then, to peek at me. I started to kill him when I first saw him, but he seemed like, well, such a friendly little spider, I figured we could co-exist, and he could feast on any ants or gnats or other pesty insects that found their way in.

Jack the Brat cat became aware of him. I'm not sure if Jack got him (probably) or if he died of natural causes, but I found his little spider corpse curled up on the bathroom floor last week. I said a few words over him as I picked him up with a piece of tissue paper.

All these little creatures have their place in the world.

Except fleas, ticks and roaches. And leeches. They're evil perversions of nature.

Trying to make a difference

The thing about working for a small-town paper is the chance to maybe make a difference -- even though the pay is lousy (hence my part-time job) and the benefits nearly nil.

I believe it's part of my calling. God might put me in some other post in the future, but this is what I'm supposed to be doing now.

Of course, I don't inject that into my stories, but I can say it here, and not care if I sound like a religious nut.

Protecting the environment is part of my concern - we are trustees of the Earth, not
its masters. We're charged with protecting and conserving this beautiful, fragile orb that floats through space.

The LandLord is not pleased with what we're doing to his planet.

I've watched a developer trying to put a huge marina into the heart of an aquatic preserve on the river, upstream from Blue Spring State Park, a manatee habitat area.

About two weeks ago, I heard divers were complaining about the water quality at Blue Spring, and investigated.

I got mad, after taking a look at cloudy, sickly-green looking water.

Part of the clouding came from limestone particles in the water, from the collapse of an underground cavern in the spring system. While such collapses occur spontaneously, I think they're occurring more often because of wells pumping water out of the aquifer - the river of water that runs beneath the earth and limestone in Florida. It's the source of our drinking water, and the source of the water that bubbles up from the boil at Blue Spring.

Combine a year of low rainfall with all the wells, municipal and private, drawing water out of the aquifer, and some of these caverns that are normally filled with water dry out. They become weaker without the water to help hold their walls in place. Then, after a heavy rainfall, more water washes into them, and walls collapse from the impact.

Cloudiness caused from dissolved limestone in the water was starting to improve when I went out there. It was up to around 15 feet, when a week before, it was only 7-8 feet.

Problems from algae remain, though, and the park manager is concerned about the spring's health.


This is my photo taken at Blue Spring run 11 days ago.




















This is the run as shown on a state Web site. Manatees swim through crystal-clear water.


Blue Spring sits at the low point of a big basin that takes in surrounding towns and unincorporated but developed areas. Water can wash directly into the river and run area of the spring as runoff after rain; it can percolate down into the aquifer and into the spring, or it can run into sinkholes for a pretty direct route into the aquifer. This runoff is filled with nitrates, because people like to fertilze their lawns. Fertilzers contain high levels of nutrients to fertilize grass. Those nutrients also feed algae.

[Of course, after fertilizing the lawn, people want to water it, pulling more water from those underground caverns.]

Septic systems also contain a lot of nitrates, and bacteria, too. Last summer, the spring was closed twice due to unacceptable levels of f coli and enterococcus bacteria.

We have an ailing spring and manatee preserve. It's suffering from development we've already done. Now we have developers who want to build huge projects on either side of it - the developer I mentioned before, who's fighting the state's denial of the project because of environmental concerns, and another developer who wants to build a huge resort complex with more docks on the other side of the spring.

I've reported forced resignations of environmentally-friendly county planners and written about the flap between a county manager and environmentalists who charge he is too developer-friendly. I've been in the uncomfortable situation of being the only one to report on what's been going on. A political columnist for one of the other papers has written a column on it, thank goodness.

Agencies charged with protecting the environment often compromise with bargaining developers. I'm going to be watching and telling what they do.

What's going on would be enough to make a true saint angry.

We can't just blame it all on developers and officials. We have to change our ways - all of us - as consumers, as protectors of the environment and as watchdogs of our public officials.

A case of cause or effect

From the Washington Post:

Bush Compares Iraq to Vietnam
KANSAS CITY, Mo., Aug. 22 -- President Bush defended his ongoing military commitment in Iraq by linking the conflict there to the Vietnam War, arguing Wednesday that withdrawing U.S. troops would lead to widespread death and suffering as it did in Southeast Asia three decades ago....

EXCUUUUSE ME.... It's sending troops in for a STUPID POINTLESS WAR that leads to widespread death and suffering. Yeah, just like Vietnam. That's what I said when Bush sent our troops in, to get killed. Deja vu, only sand instead of jungle.

Get our troops out and stop the insanity!

Is Bush dumber than we think?

Oy! IMPEACH the bastid. And he's still trying to make the Al Queda-Iraq-911 connection. Well, they have anti-American terrorists in Iraq now, that's for sure.

What that man has done to our country and other countries like this is tragic. I've been hearing from travelers how much people in other countries hate Bush, and hate Americans, because of him.

End of rant, for now.
Signing off.

An example for Nigeria

Bigamist Ordered to Give Pig and Buffalo



KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia — A Malaysian villager who took a second wife has been ordered by a court to compensate his first wife and their children with a buffalo and a pig, an official said Wednesday.

The Native Court in Penampang district on Borneo island annulled the man's 10-year marriage to his first wife and granted her custody of their three children Tuesday, said District Native Court Chief Innocent Makajil, who presided over the panel deciding the case.


"It is a symbolic punishment because he violated his people's customs by marrying more than once," Makajil said by telephone.

The identities of the couple are not being revealed due to a request by the wife, Makajil said.

The man, a self-employed 30 year old, is from Borneo's Kadazan-Dusun indigenous community. His second wife, whom he married earlier this year, is a Muslim, and he converted from Christianity to Islam, Makajil said.

Polygamy is rare within the group, he added.

Another quiz

Uh-oh. Another quiz. Grandmere Mimi had this one posted, "What Kind of Liberal Are You?"

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Working Class Warrior, also known as a blue-collar Democrat. You believe that the little guy is getting screwed by conservative greed-mongers and corporate criminals, and you’re not going to take it anymore.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Actually, I'm an all-breeds type, I think. On most questions, I wanted to check "all of the above."

Some interesting information

One thing I did hear this past week was some third-hand talk, that Bishop Howe told someone 17 parishes in Central Florida want to leave the Episcopal Church. That's out of 88 or 89 parishes in the diocese -- hardly an overwhelming majority.

If true, and I would guess it is, that's only around 20 percent of parishes who have run out or silenced the moderates and progressives, and set up shop with the Network/AAC. Forgive me if I sound a little pissed -- but that's what happens.

Most parishes are a mixed bag of conservatives, moderates and progressives, most of whom don't want to leave the Episcopal church.

If you want to listen to the diocesan board try to overrule the bishop, break the constitution and canons, still find a way to take the property, and convince themselves 80 percent of the people in the diocese are with them, go to the AAC-Central Florida Chapter Web site and listen to the June 21 meeting.

One member put it forward that the diocese should consider itself a member of the the holy catholic church, not the Episcopal Church.

You'll hear people saying things like, "I just think we're being held hostage to the constitution and canons of a church that's walked away from everything I've been taught," with "priests who are Muslims," etc., etc.

"Not in this diocese," Bishop Howe said.

"I can't stay under this presiding bishop and what she teaches," the woman continued.

"You're free to go," Bishop Howe replied.

"I may have to," she demurred.

They're planning for a split in the Communion, if the Archbishop of Canterbury doesn't go in their direction, with a task force in place that will make preliminary recommendations Nov. 1, for consideration at the Nov.15 meeting. The bishop said he'd like to appoint the members from the diocesan board and standing committee, and they must consult with the chancellors.

Don Curran made a motion for a special convention mid-November, citing the Sept. 30 deadline of the Dar Es Salaam communique and TEC's anticipated rejection of it. "If there's a need for a constitutional change," he said.

Any proposed amendments require a 60-day notice before the regular January convention Jan. 25-26.

They also moved for a special convention in mid-March, presumably to withdraw from the Episcopal Church -- just in case.

The recording of the May 24 joint board-diocesan committee meeting, of which I transcribed parts earlier, is also on the Web site.

I haven't heard anything else of interest. It's been quiet, at least on the surface.

Decompressing

It's been a wild and weird week, and an exhausting one. I don't know what's been going on TEC and AC-wise.

I covered a trial this week. A young man was charged with manslaughter with a firearm. That may be a more everyday trial in bigger cities, but this is a small town, and the victim was a well-loved member of the downtown community.

He was hit by a hollow-point bullet fired from a 9mm gun aimed down the sidewalk. The young man who fired the gun apparently always carried it with him. He had a concealed weapon permit.

What 22-year-old student needs to carry such a weapon with him? In my mind, drug dealers and gangsters carry around such weapons.

An argument started between this young man's cousin and another man in a bar, at a
pool table. The argument was aggravated by racial slurs hurled by the (white) cousin against the (black) men the cousin was arguing with.

Outside, the verbal threats and insults became more physical.

According to whose account you would believe, the fight consisted more of pushing and shoving (the version I believe), or the cousin was being beaten and his life was in danger, causing the young man on trial to whip out his 9mm and shoot down the sidewalk at one of the men in the other party.

The guys involved in the confrontation were about 15 feet away from the 22-year old shooter, who told police he saw one of the men's arm come down in a motion that made him think he had a knife.


People hearing the shouting had come outside a restaurant and were standing on the sidewalk, on the other side of the fight from the shooter. One of these bystanders was hit by the young man's bullet and died pretty much instantly on the scene, both lungs and his aorta pierced by the 9mm hollow-point bullet.

No one saw any weapon, until they saw this man's gun still pointing down the sidewalk, after he discharged it.

The defense was that the young man had the right to defend his cousin's life, as he would have the right to defend his own, making the accidental death justifiable.

The prosecutor argued, when one is the aggressor, the aggressor has to back down, and can't claim self-defense, so this variation of self-defense doesn't transfer to defending to someone who is acting as the aggressor. The cousin pulled his shirt off in the "let's fight" signal, and said he was gonna whup the other party (I'm using mild language; his was full of "F" words and "N" words), and after being wrestled into the car by the shooting cousin's car to leave at one point, got out and broke loose to go fight. "Confrontational" and "aggressive" and "wanting to fight" were the words witnesses used to describe him.

The prosecutor said firing down that sidewalk was reckless disregard for human life, and the taped police interview of the young shooter bore that out.

That disregard is what I find most disturbing about the shooting. He never showed the least feeling about taking the life of another. He never expressed any sorrow or dismay - absolutely nothing. He talked about thinking his cousin's life was in danger (which I might give him the benefit of the doubt on - maybe that was so in his perception) and telling the investigators what a good shot he was, and didn't need to use his sights as much as other people might.

When investigators asked him if he hadn't thought about the other people on the sidewalk, he said yes, but, “I thought the safety of my cousin’s life was more important.”

Even when the young man took the stand during the trial, he expressed no feeling about killing this man. The shooter said he hadn't known he'd shot and killed his victim when police interviewed him. This was a blatant lie; one witness testified to shouting, "You shot him! You killed him!" after the shooter fired.

The young shooter did dial 911 on his cell phone afterward. Too bad he didn't do that instead of shooting.

I heard something the jurors didn't, and that was the 911 tape from the incident. People filled the street after the shooting, and were screaming hysterically in the background about the victim being shot. The shooter was there on the scene as medics attended to the dead victim.

I don't know if jury reacted the same way I did to the tape, but they found the shooter guilty of manslaughter with a firearm.

They could have found him guilty of simple manslaughter or culpable negligence, both lesser charges, or innocent. Manslaughter with a firearm carries a penalty of up to 30 years in prison. The judge may not impose the maximum, given the shooter's youth and lack of criminal history; the won't hold that hearing until he gets the results of the pre-sentencing investigation.

Many people who used to feel safe going out in our neat little downtown don't any more. That's too bad.

I keep asking myself why. Why this young man, who described himself as a student who didn't go out to bars much, who didn't even drink because of medical problems, carried that gun with him everywhere.

If he hadn't been carrying it, no one would have died. A few people might have been arrested for disturbing the peace, and finished the night in jail.

If he hadn't fired that gun down the sidewalk, nobody would be dead. Wouldn't have firing the gun into the air put an effective stop to the brawl, if all he wanted to do was protect his cousin? Yet, he chose to shoot down the sidewalk, which had a number of people on it, including his cousin.

If he had shouted, "Stop! Or I'll shoot," and shown the gun,wouldn't that have put an end to it? He didn't. He seemed to want to shoot somebody.

Now, he's taken a life, ruined his life and the lives of his parents, who were there throughout the trial and wept at the verdict, and damaged all the people who cared about the victim, for whom he showed no regard.

He told police during the interview, "I'm a pretty smart kid."

I'd disagree with that assessment.

Rove to resign

Is there something about this in the Book of Revelation?

Now I'm Spain

Uh-oh. I took the latest personality quiz. I picked this one up from Wormwood's Doxy, who picked it up from Eileen.

I also took the "What Kind of Animal Are You" quiz last week at Sharecropper's, and this is what I found: It told me I'm a deer, a little paranoid about hunters and rifles and stuff, but I should stay away from hunting lodges and headlights.

Good advice, probably :)

So anyway, now, I'm Spain:

You're Spain!

You like rain on the plain, as well as interesting architecture and
a diverse number of races and religions.  You like to explore a lot, but sailing,
especially in large groups, never really seems to work out for you.  Beware of pirates
and dictators bearing bombs.  And for heavens' sake, stop running around bulls!
 It's just not safe!


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

The feast day of St. Clare

Today (Aug. 11) is the day we celebrate St. Clare. See the bio posted a couple of entries below.

Thank you, Clare, for your shining example of humility, courage and determination to serve Christ. You denied yourself, giving up a life of wealth and privilege, to take care of His sheep.

You remind us our joy is in the Kingdom of God.

Just a thought: Be all God meant you to be

I've been thinking about those 21 priests Bishop Lee of Virginia released from ordination. Poor guys, what will they do now?

I had a Google-search inspired vision: They can join the Progressive Universal Life Church (PULC).

The PULChritudinous Web site promises,

We want to help you reach your full potential in life. We want to help you become all that God meant you to be! The PULC offers ordination, degree & diploma programs to help you in your spiritual journey. Order our ministerial certificate now and become a legally ordained minister with the right to use the title "Reverend".
The Progressive Universal Life Church welcomes all individuals, regardless of race, creed or ethnic background. Our members are from all religious faiths and All Parts of the World. We Pray You Will Join Us! God Bless You!


Bring your concerns to PULC and leave with the confidence
that God will see to your every need.


Why a Doctoral Degree from PULC?

Religion, Theology, Divinity,
Counseling, Metaphysics,
Hypnotherapy, Parapsychology,
Holistic, Healing, Wellness,
New Age, Motivation & More!


And the church promises there's pretty good money in it.


Become an ordained minister and enjoy a new outlook on life! As a P.U.L.C. Minister (with the legal right to use the title "Reverend") you will be free to preach and teach according to the dictates of your heart.
WE AUTHORIZE YOU TO
PERFORM ALL FUNCTIONS
OF THE MINISTRY including marriages, baptisms, funerals, services, etc. As a point of passing, thousands of Ministers
have become enormously wealthy performing simple religious ceremonies.




(Note: For a serious discussion of the matter, read Mark Harris' PRELUDIUM: Deposition and Recognition: A wee shell game..)

Saint Clare of Assisi

Imagine. Your well-to-do parents are arranging your marriage to a wealthy man. Your mother is a pious woman, who has pilgrimmed to the Holy Land.

Life is good.

Then, you're taken with this preacher who's taken a vow of poverty. Gossip around town is he runs through the streets naked. He's a crazy man. Your parents lock you up to protect you, like his parents had tried with him.

You leave home to follow him. You let him cut off your hair as a sign of the life of poverty and chastity to which you've sworn.

I wonder, Saint Clare, how much your heart burned with love for that man, known as Saint Francis of Assisi, for whom you cared tenderly through his life. You cared for all the poor, the sick, the needy, throughout your own life, and founded an order dedicated to that cause.



Clare's story is more dramatic than any fiction. Here's the official bio, by James Kiefer:

11 August 1253
Clare Offreduccio, born in 1194, was the daughter of a wealthy family in Assisi. When she was eighteen years old, she heard a sermon by Francis of Assisi, and was moved by it to follow the example of the Franciscan brothers and vow herself to a life of poverty. Her family was horrified, and brought her back home by force; but one night, in a gesture both tactical and symbolic, she slipped out of her house through "the door of the dead" (a small side door that was traditionally opened only to carry out a corpse) and returned to the house of the Franciscans. Francis cut off her hair, and placed her in a nearby convent. Later a house was found for her, and she was eventually joined by two of her sisters, her widowed mother, and several members of the wealthy Ubaldini family of Florence. Clare's best friend, Pacifica, could not resist, and joined them, too.

The sisters of her order came to be known informally as Minoresses (Franciscan brothers are Friars Minor = "lesser brothers") or as Poor Clares. When the order was formed, Francis suggested Clare for the Superior. But she refused the position until she turned twenty-one. They devoted themselves to prayer, nursing the sick, and works of mercy for the poor and neglected.

They adopted a rule of life of extreme austerity (more so than of any other order of women up to that time) and of absolute poverty, both individually and collectively. They had no beds. They slept on twigs with patched hemp for blankets. Wind and rain seeped through cracks in the ceilings. They ate very little, with no meat at all. Whatever they ate was food they begged for. Clare made sure she fasted more than anyone else. Despite this way of life, or perhaps because of it, the followers of Clare were the most beautiful young girls from the best families of Assisi.

The community of Poor Clares continues to this day, both in the Roman and in the Anglican communions.

PRAYER (contemporary language)

O God, whose blessed Son became poor that we through his poverty Might be rich: Deliver us from an inordinate love of this world, that we, inspired by the devotion of your servant Clare, may serve you with singleness of heart, and attain to the riches of the age to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

A meeting with African bishops

This letter from Bishop Kirk Smith of the Diocese of Arizona came to me across the listserv. It's an inspiration we all need right now.

Thank you, Bishop Smith.

July 27 E-Pistle

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

For the past week I have been in Spain for an informal meeting between American and African bishops. Unlike most conferences, there was no communique or statement issued at the end of this gathering. That is because we did not come together to solve the problems of the Anglican Communion, but simply to get to know one another better. The "consultation" was sponsored by Trinity Church , Wall Street, and invitations were sent to every American parish which had a Companionship relationship with an African Diocese as well as any others who wished to attend. About 120 did so.



I believe that we all left our retreat center at El Escorial outside of Madrid with renewed hope for the future of our communion. It seemed clear to me that what unites us is far greater than any divisions we might have. I came away with the strong feeling that we are family and we are not going to allow anyone or anything to break that bond.

The other positive outcome was the strengthening of our common commitment to mission. Many of us were able to spend significant time together and learn about what is happening in our respective dioceses. Many new and deep friendships were made as we worshipped and did Bible study together. I got to know many new African bishops, and to bring greetings back from several Sudanese bishops to our own St Paul 's mission.

One thing became especially clear to me. Our African brothers and sisters want us to come and see them! When I suggested in one meeting that the money spent on plane tickets might be better spent on funding various projects, I was quickly reminded that "God created people before God created money!" Another way of saying that relationships are far more important than bank accounts. Our time together gave me some good ideas for ways we might do this which I will share with you at our upcoming convention.

One speaker summed up our time together well: "Jesus did not say, 'Be right as I am right'. He said, Love one another". I felt that love this past week. It is not limited by borders, cultures, or theology. It is what makes us Christ's family.
+Kirk

I am Harry Potter?

"A little reckless and hot-headed at times, but a more brave and courageous friend would be hard to find."

The first part is true, anyway.

Okay, I don't seek them out, but I have a weakness for those "who are you" quizzes when I come across them. Sharecropper had this "Who Are You in the World of Harry Potter" quiz posted.

Here are my results:

You scored as Harry Potter, You can be a little reckless and hot-headed at times, but a more brave and courageous friend would be hard to find. Harry Potter 75% Remus Lupin 70% Sirius Black 65% Albus Dumbledore 65% Ginny Weasley 65% Hermione Granger 60% Severus Snape 55% Ron Weasley 55% Draco Malfoy 45% Lord Voldemort 35% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

Just who is orthodox?

I started this as a reply to comments on the last post, but it got kind of long for that, so here it is. My venting.

Thanks to Caminante and Grandmere Mimi.

Caminante asked, "Has your bishop defined what he means by that catch-all word, 'orthodoxy,'" and the answer is no.

"Orthodoxy" is one of those imprecise words that means different things to different people, even different things to the same person at different times.

There's a large element of personal judgment in making calls on another person's orthodoxy.

Who decides what is orthodox? If it's defined as "the way it's always been done," then perhaps our services should be in Latin.

If we're going to be truly Orthodox(TM), we're going to have to run things differently in this diocese.

Anyone who seems a little "funny" or different should be run out of town at the least, or burned at the stake.

There will be no guitars or praise teams (I know, many of you wouldn't miss praise teams!) in church if it is truly orthodox. No prayer ministers ready to lay hands on parishioners after they take Communion. None of that is part of the traditional, orthodox Catholic-Anglican way of running a service. No female deacons or priests - remember that, ye women clergy who cling so desperately to the Orthodox(TM) pretension. A number of your Orthodox(TM) brethren just can't wait to get rid of you.

The Diocese of Central Florida honchos pride themselves on "orthodoxy," yet the charismatic/evangelical/fundamentalist strain of Anglicanism they practice is not orthodox Anglicanism, for all their calls to orthodoxy.

The ironic thing is, Jesus was NOT orthodox. He constantly outraged the Orthodox(TM) religious community of his day. He ministered to the lepers, the tax collectors, the castaway women, the gentiles. He took them as his Apostles and disciples — there's a thought. Jesus let his disciples eat the show bread. He healed on the Sabbath (shocking!).

Jesus said he would send the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, to minister to us after he was gone from the Earth. Yet, some of the "orthodox" would deny the Spirit's work among us, because the Holy Spirit is no more orthodox than Jesus was.

And, as for making judgments about who's a "real" priest or bishop, or Christian, what does the Holy Spirit say to that? What did Jesus say about making those kind of judgments?

Interesting times, part II
the rest of the tapes

This is a continuation of my post from July 11, on the now-infamous May 24 meeting of the standing committee and the diocesan board in the Diocese of Central Florida.

The subject on the minds of these two bodies was how to secede the diocese from the Episcopal Church, and keep the property, too. They were told repeatedly, that because of both canon law and Florida state law, they could do the first, but not with the second. They could leave, but they couldn’t take the property with them.

The members mostly seemed to think the canons were written so the national church could keep parishes or dioceses from straying, (true, I'm sure), but without provision for the dioceses to respond when the national church strays. They believe the national church has gone "off the rails."

There was talk of changing the diocesan preamble wording from describing the diocese as a constituent member of the Episcopal Church to a constituent member of the Anglican Communion. After all, they're the same right now, Curran (?) said. But if TEC won't sign the covenant, then the diocese would automatically be out of TEC, because TEC wouldn't be a member of the Anglican Communion any more. Crafty.

Forgive me, and let me know if I misattributed any quotes. I don’t know their voices, so it isn’t always easy to ID who’s who on a recording.

There’s a new wind blowing

It was noted that under the last presiding bishop, Frank Griswold, the national church didn’t get involved in property disputes.

“Under Katherine Schori, it’s a new day.”

I'm not sure who talking here, but it provides some context:
“Suddenly, for the first time, the national church is joining the Diocese of Virginia in the lawsuit against these 11 parishes, and, it is widely rumored - I can’t verify this - that it was under pressure Peter Lee changed the direction he was moving, because there was this protocol that had been developed over a period of months. My understanding is it was not finally accepted as any official thing but it was en route to finaly becoming officially accepted by the diocese, and then for whatever reasons, a change of mind about that, and a lawsuit, and the national church has joined the lawsuit. So what’s behind all that, I don’t know, that’s new.”

Someone asked, "Were they [the national church] a party to the California lawsuits?" The answer: They intervened in at least one.

Chancellor Wooten commented on the New Covenant Church* case: "The national church was aware how we were handling things and what our understanding of the law was. And ... we’re satisfied with that, that the trust interest would be protected, and that the resources would be redirected. So. If we had not been having that communication, the answer may have been different as to whether we got (inaudible)

Howe: "We didn’t ask anybody's permission, but we kept them apprised."

*[New Covenant was the church that decided to leave the “heretical” Episcopal Church and wanted to take the church property with them. An agreement was reached in 2004, wherein the departing congregation would lease the church property from the continuing church (via the diocese), while providing space for the Episcopal Church of the New Covenant to worship and rebuild. If the diocese decided it would not use the property as a parish or mission, the diocese would sell the property to the new church entity at fair market value, with an interest-free, 30 year loan. Lease payments would be credited. I felt leery of this, that it would be setting a precedent for future moves to take church property. Maybe it was the best way to settle the matter.]

Chancellor Butch Wooten was asked if he’s been pressured by national-church Chancellor David Beers in any way. Wooten said no. He also said, in another part of the discussion, he was feeling uncomfortable with the pressure he was feeling from the committee to find a way around church canon.

Some of the members didn't seem convinced the chancellors had tried hard enough to find precedents for what the committee wanted to do.

Back to finding a way around law and canon:

Curran said, "Then we need to find our solution elsewhere ... It seems to me to me that the straightforward solution is not going to be in the civil courts. That puts us into the ecclesiastical realm to find a viable solution. Now, thus far, we have been fabulously unsuccessful in doing that. But how do we do that, how do we approach that, so that we can create a climate in which, for example, when TEC does not sign onto the covenant, that we can have an amicable divorce, at that point in time? ... What can we do now so that we have an ecclesiastical resolution, and then if the courts are going to default to the ecclesiastical decision of who the members are and who’s in control of the property, then let's create the ecclesiastical reality that's going to move us in the direction. And how do we do that, how do we make those moves?"

Howe: "I don't know the answer to that, but here's a factor that you need to think about: The leadership of the diocesan board and the standing committee are a good deal more conservative and a good deal more exercised about these issues than are an awful lot of people in our pews. And even if the delegates to a convention had a significant majority that wanted to make that separation, they would not represent, uh, let me put this very carefully, there would be at least, at least a sizable minority, if not a majority in the pews that would not want to do that. How do you protect their rights?"

[In my opinion, a little ugly undertone came into this questioning:]

"How do you know that?"

"I know that. I visit every congregation."

"Do you take a poll or a survey?"

"No, I talk to people."

"See, that’s a pretty dramatic statement."

Curran said he had a hard time restraining his people, who don't want to wait any more, and Liebler said his parishioners ask, if they give to the cathedral, will the national church “swoop in” and try to take it.

Howe said, "The answer is no, unless you’re going to try and steal the property."

And someone added, he hears from people in the parishes, when are we going to get back to doing ministry?

There was some usual TEC bashing, for example, citing a sermon supposedly preached in All Saints California that called the atonement “cosmic child abuse.”

I looked this up and saw something from a rector’s forum by the Rev. J. Edwin Bacon at All Saints Church, Pasadena. Read it here.

I really don’t get their hatred of the presiding bishop. Maybe it’s that she is a woman. And a strong one. Then, I don’t get their hatred of the Episcopal Church, either.

It was clear the majority of the Standing Committee, and apparently the diocesan board, too, is ready to jump ship to the Global South, to be with like-minded "conservatives" and "Anglo-Catholics." Now.

There was some dissent to this. Canon Ernie Bennett (?) said he didn’t paint the presiding bishop and the Episcopal Church with the same black paint brush they did. He took vows as an Episcopal, not Anglican priest, and planned to remain Episcopal.

As for the covenant process, Curran said it would have to get through Anaheim 2009, if Lambeth even happens, then a period of discernment. If TEC signed the covenant it would be 2012, and it wouldn’t be worth the paper it’s written on.

They’re ready to go now. They want Howe on board with them. For, either at convention or special convention, it’s the bishop people will listen to, Howe was told. If the bishop tells the diocese something is a bad idea, the people will tend to think it’s a bad idea.

Therefore, the bishop should tell them schism and hooking up with the Global South is a good thing.

Somebody said the people in the pews need to be “educated.”

Howe told them he couldn't play ball with them. He likened the pain of presiding over a disintegrating diocese to that of being crucified.

He objected to their opinion the diocese is going straight to hell in a handbasket.

"Despite all this crap, there is good work being done in this diocese," he said.

***

Howe's concern about presiding over internecine warfare in the parishes and in the diocese was apparent. That is the future we face, if they persist in pushing schism.

Will they act like mean little kids, who, if they can't take it with them, will destroy the diocese before leaving it?

I do believe the bishop is right (it’s what I’ve been saying, after all) - the majority of parishioners won’t go along with leaving TEC, certainly not with going to the Church of Wherever (Nigeria-CANA or AMiA, as was suggested during the meeting). But the fight would be ugly, hurtful and costly on a number of levels. Little parishes like mine could well be torn apart.

And that will be a shame.

Preventing deadly cow emissions

Like many officials, Florida Gov. Charlie Crist is out to help protect the environment by putting the brakes to auto emissions.

According to the BBC television new report I saw the other night, it looks like he's barking up the wrong tree ... er ... or, chewing the wrong cud.

No, the BBC says, methane (in Brit talk, pronounced MEE-thane), coming from emission points at both the front and back ends of bovines, is responsible for an enormous amount of global air pollution/global warming.







Not even cattle can stand the stench.


British scientists are hard at work on a solution to this problem. In hi-tech laboratories, they are sequestering test cows in air-tight quarters, and trying different feeds on them. Then, dressed in hazmat-white suits, technicians go in and measure bovine methane output, to determine which feed produces the lowest emission rate.

What a job to list on a resumé!

I wonder if they have tried dosing the cows with Beano.

Let's spice it up
We're really hip, uh-huh

I'm square. I'm so square, I don't even know what the current vernacular for "square" is.

I'm so square, my blog is rated "G." sigh

I'm so square, I just found out about this blog rating "thang" over at Padre Mickey's. Of course, Padre Mickey is rated a hip NC-17.

Here's my rating:

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Mingle2 disliked only the word "kill" (2x) and "death" (1x).

Maybe, as the song says, "It's hip to be square."

Mac who?

I've found in the calendar another female saint I knew nothing about. We will celebrate Macrina's feast day July 19. Note the "experts" thought she couldn't be the "Teacher" and theologian her brother Gregory described, because she was a woman.


I shamelessly cribbed this bio off this Web site.

Gregory's Life of Macrina can be found here.

About St. Macrina



St. Macrina (ca. 330- 380) was the eldest child in a family of saints. Her grandparents (one of whom was also named Macrina, so our patron is more precisely called St. Macrina the Younger) were martyrs. Her parents are also recognized as saints. They saw to it that she was very well educated. Macrina in turn became the teacher of her younger brothers Basil, later bishop of Caesarea, now Kayseri in Turkey, and Gregory, later bishop of the nearby small city of Nyssa. These brothers themselves became two of the greatest teachers in the Universal Church.

There is every reason to believe—based on their own testimony—that if Macrina had not attended to their education, and later, their spiritual growth, we would not know them today.

There is a wonderful little speech in Gregory’s life of his sister in which Macrina rebukes Basil, who has just returned from a brilliant university career in Athens, and warns him not to be so uppity — just the sort of thing it is easy to imagine a big sister saying to a little brother gotten too big for his britches!

She was equally firm in guiding her parents’ spiritual lives, and seems to have been as wise in practical management as she was in spiritual direction. Like another great teacher-saint much nearer our time, St. Therese of Lisieux, Macrina knew what she wanted, or more to the point what God wanted for her, and how to get it.

She was a consecrated widow (though therein lies a tale) and eventually the head of a double monastery of women and men established under St. Basil’s auspices. Although her teaching survives only in the words of her brother Gregory, and indirectly in the influence she had on him and Basil (perhaps also on their friend Gregory of Nazianzus), St. Macrina certainly deserves a place among the Fathers and Mothers of the Church.

An English translation of the charming Life of Macrina by her younger brother St. Gregory of Nyssa, in the form of a letter to a mutual friend, is available online. There is also a translation of the dialogue she had with Gregory on her deathbed On the Soul and Resurrection, described by him in the Life. Macrina is the person titled The Teacher in this dialogue, though many scholars have tried to deny this, on the assumption that no woman could be such a theologian. (If you follow the link to the dialogue, be aware that the “Argument” is the editor’s summary; scroll down to the title to begin the dialogue itself.)

As a teacher of several of the greatest of the Church Fathers; as a pioneer of women's independent religious life; as a loving sister and daughter; as a saint who nurtured others to sanctity; as a clear-minded practical worker for the poor and sick; as a woman whose power, intellectual ability, and sacred calling has sometimes been challenged or even denied altogether; and as a woman unafraid to preach, govern, and act publicly as a model for others, St. Macrina is a fitting patron saint for a congregation in Grinnell.

The feast of St. Macrina is July 19th. This is the troparion (a special short hymn of praise sung in the liturgy) for her feast:

The image of God was faithfully preserved in you, O Mother, for you took up the Cross and followed Christ. By your actions you taught us to look beyond the flesh, for it passes, but rather to be concerned about the soul that is immortal. Therefore, O Holy Macrina, you now rejoice with the angels.

From whence does my help come?

Psalm 121
Song of Ascents
I lift up my eyes to the mountains; where is my help to come from?
My help comes from Yahweh who made heaven and earth. May he save
your foot from stumbling; may he, your guardian, not fall asleep!
You see�he neither sleeps nor slumbers, the guardian of Israel.
Yahweh is your guardian, your shade, Yahweh, at your right hand.
By day the sun will not strike you, nor the moon by night. Yahweh
guards you from all harm Yahweh guards your life, Yahweh guards
your comings and goings, henceforth and for ever.

***

Where are you? I look to the hills, and find only slate and rubble.

Where are you? I look to the skies; I look for you in the patterns of the clouds. There is nothing but the soughing of the wind.

Where are you? I seek you in the stillness of an empty chapel, tracing stained-glass images with my finger, and find only silence.

Where are you? I look in my heart, and find only a well of loneliness.

Where are you?

Unhappy Cassandra

Wow. I went back into the archives, and stumbled upon this rant from February 2004. I was right (sigh) about pretty much everything that would unfold, except maybe the ABC's good sense. Well, maybe he will redeem himself.

This was when I'd just left my old AAC aka Network parish:

Lying liberal liar with my load of liberal lies


Now that I've calmed down, I can write the posting with this title that I started to write right away, but without writing it in the anger that I had at the time of the fight between Father Dearest and me.

To those who are curious about the article that precipitated the fight, it's called "Contending with Anglican Realignment" by the Rev. Canon Mark Harris in The Witness Magazine.


You should be able to find the article at:

http://www.thewitness.org/agw/harris012804.html

or just go to "thewitness.org" and look for the article.

It's written by a theologian in the Episcopal Church. Harris expressed a lot of thoughts I've had about the AAC, but with a better background in theology and philosophy on which to draw than I have at the moment. Agreement with him is evidence that I have moved from a rather conservative to a more liberal position. I guess that makes me a lying liberal liar, to paraphrase Al Franken.

I wrote this in an e-mail to a friend today, trying to explain my antipathy toward the AAC, which I can view only as repressive and tending towards fascism:

"The Gene Robinson issue is only a small part of
the picture, as far as I'm concerned. I don't want to
be taken or dragged out of the Episcopal Church into
some other "province," or to have authority over it
given to foreign primates who have a lot of cultural
differences [including polygamy, slavery, child labor
exploitation and stoning]. I don't think the AAC bishops
involved in this realize how dangerous giving away
this power is. They think they'll really be controlling
things behind the scenes and have the mantle handed
to them after they've purged and purified the church.
Nor do I want to go to some Calvinistic, repressive
church where you can have only one interpretation
of scripture (theirs, fundamentalist) or you're not a
Christian. I don't want to have to sign an AAC
loyalty oath*[I see this coming. The requirements for
attending the AAC convention and the Chapman
memo and other documents clearly set the tone for this.
It won't be the first time in the history of the church
that something like this has happened.]
to be allowed to participate in the church --
that to me is blasphemy. My loyalty is to God and
I'm happy to say the Nicene or Apostle's creed, but
not sign an AAC oath. This kind of stuff is what I see
coming in the diocese if the tide is not turned.
Everyone who went to the AAC meetings/conventions
had to sign on and affirm their stance.
That's my diatribe for the day! Sorry to get on a
soap box, but I think this is a dangerous situation and
the AAC doesn't want us to even know what's going on."

Some of the AAC bishops, including the one in this diocese,
have been engaged in talks with these foreign, ultraconservative
bishops: July 15, 2003, Bishop Howe, among other AAC
affiliated bishops, signed a letter to "Concerned Primates"
to "address the crisis of Faith and Order
that is increasingly unfolding among us... In the face of these
looming departures from evangelical truth and catholic order,
and in line with our commitment to oppose all such
innovations in every Godly way, we do hereby affirm the
moral and spiritual authority of you, the 'Concerned Primates'
of the Anglican Communion, and do join in commitment with
you to address the situation under your leadership.
We desire to act in concert with you, and are ready to
take counsel from you. We pledge solidarity with you in
sharing common faith and practice within an Anglicanism
that is submitted to her sovereign Lord, true to his holy
Word, and at one with the catholic Church. We stand ready,
in concert with you, to commit to common responses to the
deteriorating situation within the Episcopal Church and
elsewhere.."


I don't respect bishops who are so willing to hand their flocks over to others. I don't want to be subjected to these primates' "moral and spiritual authority," thank you very much. They need to work on setting their own houses in order.

I feel sure the Archbishop of Canterbury wouldn't go along with such a plan. It would be lighting the fuse to a powder keg. But pushing the agenda serves to polarize, divide and cause hostilities.

The AAC is even willing to have the Archbishop become the pope of the Anglican Communion, or at least over the Episcopal Church part of the communion, with absolute authority. They think it will be to their advantage. I don't think it would; the ABC is nowhere as conservative as they want to force him to be and again, I think he has better sense than to go along with such an attempt.

It seems to me that the AAC is looking for any means possible to break the back of the Episcopal Church, then move in for the kill. These men seem to have a brew of fundamentalist theology, anger and suspicion toward anything different -- like ordained women or Gene Robinson -- lust for power and contempt for their flocks, from whom they want to conceal so many of their actions, with closed, secret meetings, secret memos and stealthy plans.

Father Dearest accused me of trying to "discredit" the Network. I don't think I have
to; they do it themselves as soon as the light is shined on their activities.

UPDATE 6/22/07 - I'm much more familiar with Mark Harris of Preludium fame now! (grin) Archbishop Peter Akinola is, of course, much better known to readers now. When I posted this, many in the Voices group weren't familiar with him. Bishop Howe seems to have pulled back from his stance, but the diocesan board and standing committee members still want to do in TEC and join CANA or AMiA, not necessarily in that order.

Five reasons Jesus rocks

Hedwyg over at Practicing Intentional Gratitude tagged me with this meme.

1. Those tagged will share 5 Things They Dig About Jesus.
2. Those tagged will tag 5 people.
3. Those tagged will leave a link to their meme in the comments section of this post so everyone can keep track of what's being posted.

Five things I dig about Jesus:

1. His ministry was to the poor and hurting. Jesus was respectful toward women, and treated them with consideration. His actions almost always involved compassion, though he did get cranky with his dunder-headed disciples at times, but that he put up with them gives me hope.

2. He's been there when I've needed him, which is always, though I havent' always been aware of it. I've experienced his protection, his love, his promise, his comforting touch. It's the reason I'm still here.

3. Jesus broke us free from the letter of the law, and put us under the spirit of the law, through grace, with love.

4. This has come up in some of my meditations: Jesus was God who literally pitched his tent among us, who came to dwell with us. Can you imagine voluntarily going to a third-world slum, living in a filthy, disease-infected shack and dedicating your life for people who would spit on you and kill you? That's a smaller scale of what he did. God and human.

5. He was and is radical in a way we don't really get most of the time. See No. 1 for part of it, but it's much more than that. We keep trying to tame him into something more comfortable, but he's a planet changer!

First off, I tagged Padre Mickey, since he always tags me! I'll come back later and tag some more. Got to get back to work now.

Here are more tags. Sorry I didn't get back to it until today - I went to the movies last night! More on that later.

Anyway, here are additional tags:

I girded my loins, took a deep breath, and climbed up Mount Olympus, where intellectual lightweights like me dare not tread. Yes, I risked lightning bolts and tsunamis, and tagged Mark Harris!

I also nabbed Clumber, who has some terrifically funny stuff posted at his blog, Episcopal crucifer and standard-bearer extraordinaire Lisa at My Manner of Life, Juanuchis at Juanuchis' Way and PJ at PJ's Pointless Blog. I was gonna get Mimi at Wounded Bird also, but she's gone to the beach.

Musings on Galatians

I didn't go to church today, because I'm having car trouble and don't want to risk going cross-county. I'm getting it into the shop first thing tomorrow morning; hopefully my poor chariot will make it into town.

So, instead of going to my usual service this morning, I watched a Catholic service on television. My ears perked up at the second reading:

Galatians 2:15-21

We ourselves are Jews by birth and not Gentile sinners; yet we know that a person is justified not by the works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ. And we have come to believe in Christ Jesus, so that we might be justified by faith in Christ, and not by doing the works of the law, because no one will be justified by the works of the law. But if, in our effort to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have been found to be sinners, is Christ then a servant of sin? Certainly not! But if I build up again the very things that I once tore down, then I demonstrate that I am a transgressor. For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing.

All of Americans would have been held in contempt by most first-century Jews and Christians. We're pretty much a mongrel bunch of gentiles, and the Jews are hardly better, with strains of European, Asian and other Middle-Eastern blood mixed in. Sinners, all.

The Archbishop of Nigeria and his cohorts would not fare any better. Perhaps Peter Abuja should think about this.

For, we "do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing."

So if we think we're to be elevated by the purity of our blood, our self-glorifying works and strutting about on the streets proclaiming our piety, our social status, our sexual orientation or any of those other things that shall pass away, we nullify Christ.

If we live the best life we can, holding onto the grace of God and the love of Christ, we are justified. If we live through the law, and tear down everything not of the law, then even as we proclaims ourselves protectors of the faith, we make Christ meaningless.

Remember, Satan is a legalist.

The 'random facts' meme

Padre Mickey is at it again: spreading memes. He's a carrier!

So this one's in eights. Padre Mickey sez I have to follow the rules, which are:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


I don't know if there are eight random facts or habits about me that would actually be interesting, but here goes:

1. I can cuss worse than a sailor.

2. I have seen a UFO at least once, possibly twice. Don't know if they were extra-terrestrial, just "unidentified."

The first time was when I was just a kid, and I'm guessing what I saw was some new type of military aircraft with which I was unfamiliar -- we lived naval air stations. Whatever it was, it scared me, flying low, coming toward me one evening. I was only eight or nine.

The second time, I was an adult, here in Florida, and driving home from work one evening. It was still light outside. I had a clear, unobstructed view of the sky to the north of me. I saw something that looked like a huge silver disk arc across the sky very fast, then curve down maybe 20 miles to the north of me. I lost sight of it behind a line of trees near me.

Without knowing the object's size, it was difficult to determine its distance, but on the news that night was a story about numerous UFO reports around a town 20 miles to the north. I don't know what the disk was. It looked like no aircraft I've ever seen before, and it was too perfectly shaped and polished looking to have been a meteorite. It's trajectory didn't suggest that, either. It looked huge.

3. Speaking of stuff in the skies, I have a private pilot's license. I don't fly any more -- can't afford it -- but I'm proud of the fact I got it.

4. I like to chew on the bits of unpopped left popcorn in the bottom of the microwave bag. The dentist said this contributed to a missing filling and broken tooth. Bummer.

HELP I'M RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS

5. I have a bit of a thing for Johnny Depp. Maybe it's time for another Pirates saga.

6. I love a weekend where I can just lay around the house, read and watch movies.

7. More on sightings -- I've seen green lightning -- cool!

8. When I was younger, I almost applied for law school. Legal stuff still interests me. On the other hand, I'm getting an angel collection, between things I've bought, and gifts of ceramic and arts-and-crafty angels. I like them.

Whew!

Okay, now for the tagging:

1. Brother Causticus at titusoneten

2. Share Cropper of 23 Acres of Black Dirt

3. Pseudopiskie of Mom Said Nobody Cares.

4. Caminante (but I can't post it on her blog -- no comment section.)

5. Ann of What the Tide Brings in

6. Doxy of Wormwood's Doxy

7. Hedwyg of Practicing Intentional Gratitude

8. MadPriest (Of Course, He Could Be Wrong)


I don't care if someone else beat me to it! Nyah, nyah, you're tagged! Don't blame me, blame Padre Mickey. Anybody I missed, sorry. Anybody who'd like to play but doesn't have a blog, I'll post it for you!

Every cat's dream

Who, me? Pick up a cross?

Jesus called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels." – Mark 8:34-38

These are some of the toughest words in the New Testament.
I want to follow Jesus, but "taking up my cross" to follow him brings images of that last journey Jesus made through Jerusalem, bowed under the weight of the cross on which he would die, crucified.
Somehow, the idea isn't too appealing.
Still, the Apostles lived short, hard lives, followed by martyrdom (most of them) or exile (John). It was this refusal to budge from their witness of who Jesus was and is, even under pain of death, that convinced me of the reality of their accounts.
Is Christ calling on us to suffer crucifixion for him?
While martyrs exist even in this day, we can take up our crosses and follow Jesus in other ways. Dedicated pastors sacrifice most of their personal lives, recreational time and probably 70 hours a week in service to Christ. Medical missionaries risk disease, unfriendly local officials, hardship living conditions and any personal life at all to bring life-giving services to others.
But the sacrifice Christ demands of us each day is the hardest one to make. That sacrifice is of ego, pride, materialism, time, spiritual gifts: ourselves, every day. In some ways, that's harder to attain than martyrdom, a one-time event.
Sacrificing or subordinating all my wants and concerns to the service of Christ, every day, is something at which I fail much more than I succeed.
But, what good is it to have the world, to have things the way I, in my petty ego, want them, if in the end, I lose everything?
It is only his mercy, his grace, that saves me, for I'll never attain that kind of piety.
Because I do love him so much, each day I will strive to surrender more of myself to Christ's will, to proclaiming the Gospel.
I don't want him to be ashamed of me, the one who professes to be his follower.

Dear Lord, help me to become more like you each day. Help me put away my vanities and petty concerns so I can be a better witness to you. Help me give myself to you. Amen.

The voice from the crypt

I know. Long time no post.

I've been working at my new part-time job, so I'm working 60 hours a week. I've been sick with some type of allergy-bronchitis-whatever stuff for almost two weeks, and thought I was gonna, and woulda preferred to pass away quietly, but I'm starting to feel better.

I worked a few hours Saturday at the new job, and took Betsy into the nearly-deserted building with me.

She was impressed only with the break room.




"Look at the giant-sized treat machines," Betsy said, in awe and wonder.

Ah, well. My bank account was happy for the first time in many months today. Got two paychecks in, and the new job pays pretty decent. I even got paid for a half-day Monday (Memorial Day) that I didn't work at that job.

Sometimes I'd just like a little tenderness, though. Someone to say "I'll get you some cough syrup" in the middle of the night, or, "I'll make you a cup of tea. Are you feeling any better?"

It's the fate of a lone woman.

Nobody to even feel sorry for me but me. Phhhbbbbttttt ah, well.

I have some thoughts about the state of the Anglican Communion, but they'll have to wait until tomorrow. Or, rather, later today. I'd better go to bed.

Falwell, personality, politics and religion

In response to Jerry Falwell's death, I've been reflecting on personality, politics and power, especially as it relates to the church.

I'm going to go back years, to my life as a young adult, living in Virginia. Those were Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Jim and Tammy ruled the religious airwaves.

Back then, I was not a particularly religious person. I wasn't really a Christian, though I had some vague notion there was a God, a Creator.

I wanted nothing to do with religion, as represented by these demagogues -- and let me emphasize, they were big. They and their like-minded minions seemed to define communal religion, which was mean, grasping, greedy, small-minded and selfishly ego-centric.

I wanted nothing to do with it.

I remember the Bakers taking away their toll-free number for prayer, and leaving one only for people to call in donations for their many projects, like mansions, more diamonds for Tammy, etc. People calling in for prayer concerns were just being whiny and taking up too much valuable time.

Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell ... well. White (straight) male supremacy. Everybody do as they say. They're in control.

Falwell attacked women, gays, Jews, anyone not ultraconservative. Even Teletubbies, for Heaven's sake.

His legacy is one of prejudice, and of playing to prejudices for political gain; of combining church and politics for personal power and glory.

May God have mercy on him.

I believe God does have mercy, and Falwell is healed, and literally, sees the light now.

Thank God I'm not a member of his or Robertson's church. I'm an Episcopalian, right? We believe in welcoming all to the table. Women aren't flamboyant armpieces or relegated to silent kitchen duty, but have a place in the church. We believe in the via media, and using reason.

Except the Falwellians have made a pretty good assault on the Diocese of Central Florida, and they rule with impunity in other places. Iker, Duncan et al would rather subject us to ecclesiastical fascists like Akinola than recognize a female presiding bishop. They call for foreign interference in our national church, overturning the whole tradition of the church they claim to uphold, to get their way. For power.
Like Falwell, they play on and incite prejudices. They used one diocese having a openly gay bishop, chosen by the people of his diocese, in the same process that made them bishops, to start this whole comtemptible mess.

No more than I would have been a member of Falwell's or Robinson's church do I want to be a member of their version of the Episcopal Church.

I've said a lot on this matter. For a more succinct view, go to Padre Mickey's Dance Party: This Is All I'll Say On The Subject.

Motherhood, Revelation and miscellany

I was kind of glad Mother's Day wasn't hyped like a commercial event at church today. The focus was on Rogation Day and the usual readings for the day.

Before church, I called my mother at the nursing home to wish her happy Mother's Day. She was pretty incoherent, and kept repeating "Oh, God," in alarm as though something must be wrong. I'm not sure if she understood I was wishing her happy Mother's Day. She sounded like she might be in some pain, too. She subsided into silence after a minute or so.

It's hard to tell what's physically wrong, what's Alzheimer's, and what's deafness with her.

I spoke to the nurse afterward. She said Mom had fallen asleep. I asked the nurse about pain, and she indicated she expected Mom would never heal completely from the broken hip, and would have some discomfort. The nurse said Mom does have some more lucid moments, usually when she first wakes up. I'll call earlier next time, and try to catch her then. I always call in the morning, but sometimes my mother is asleep or out of range of the phone, or not lucid -- the case the last few times I've talked to her.

Mom's a time zone behind me, so that's about time I'm getting to work during the week.

I went into the church service with that on my mind.

As we were leaving after the church service, the clergy was handing out long-stemmed geraniums. As I got near the exit, the deacon, who was handing them out at one door, said loudly, "They're only for mothers."

I didn't take one -- hadn't planned to, but as I started down the walk, I reconsidered, and went back inside, and took one from Father M., who was chipperly handing them out without vetting the female's maternal status.


I don't have any children, but I am a mother.

I do have a baby, and if there's anything to this Christian stuff, I will see him again.

You see, I got pregnant during my brief, young-and-foolish marriage. By the time I was certain I was pregnant, I miscarried. Later, I said maybe it was for the best, but I really wanted that baby I call "him" because something made me sure it was a boy, though I was only two months or so pregnant when I lost him.

I did the second reading today, from Revelation 21-22, and it included these words:
"Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city. On either side of the river is the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, producing its fruit each month; and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. Nothing accursed will be found there any more. But the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him; they will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And there will be no more night; they need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever."

The word of the Lord!

John tried to describe the undescribeable, and succeeds to some degree. We don't have the mind to fully appreciate the Kingdom of God, anyway. But images of healing and life, flowing like a river, come through pretty clearly.

And if the promises are true, I shall look upon the face of God, and He shall be my light. And in that light, I shall see all those whom I love, but who live no more, and they shall be healed and restored and whole. That includes my baby.

If it isn't true, I don't care a fig about this eternal life stuff.

But I believe it is true, in some wonderful and mysterious way that's beyond my comprehension. So I went back and claimed a pink-and-white carnation, and have formulated into clearer thought and word, feelings that have been rattling in the back of my brain for years.

Thanks be to God.

Out of circulation

The reason I haven't been writing a lot or posting on your sites much lately isn't 'cause I don't love you wild and loony religious-zealot-malcontent bunch of fellow bloggers. I started working part-time again, so I'm putting in some long hours during the week, but pretty much have my weekends free. Yazzoo!

Last year, when I did cooking demos part-time, it was long, on-your-feet-all-day weekend hours and I never had a day off. So we'll see how this goes. I'm working at a little junior college in the evenings, and the pay is pretty decent.

Weather gone wild

I put this ("Weather gone wild") in as a headline for a newspaper story I wrote last week, and the editor let it stand. It has been wild and weird in Florida.

I had gone on line a few days earlier, pulled up a satellite image to check the wildfires blooming all over South Georgia and pretty much the whole state of Florida. At first, I thought I'd pulled up an old satellite pic from last year by mistake, because there sat a tropical disturbance, with all the classic counterclockwise whirling shape of a tropical storm, off the southern coast of Georgia.

But no. It was nothing left over from last year. While we were on red alert for fires inland, a tropical-storm watch spread over the Atlantic coastal waters.

Some days, the smoke hung heavy like a pea-soup fog from fires burning to the north of us, to the east of us, to the west of us -- didn't much matter from whence the wind blew -- there was a fire, whose smoke the winds carried our way.

Luckily, there haven't been any wildfires near me, so far.

We got just enough rain from subtropical storm Andrea to dampen the brush's enthusiasm for flame just a bit, and clear the air some, but we're still in a critical fire-threat situation.

The sky was hazy as I headed home from church and a stop at the grocery store this afternoon. It was hard to guess what was cloud and what was smoke hanging in the air. Now, it's thundering to the north of us, and lightning strikes are dangerous. Even with accompanying rain, the mega jolt of heated electricity can spark a new fire.

It's a couple of weeks until the official start of hurricane season, and the National Weather Service is predicting we should start getting rains on time. Thank you, Lord.

And Lord, I hope you won't think I'm being uber-demanding for praying we won't get any nasty storms this year, just a little tropical storm or two, with rain.

Thank you again, Lord.

Signing off for now.


UPDATE MONDAY, MAY 14

We're getting rain, glorious rain!

And all manner of things

OK, I don't want my fellow bloggers especially those two whose names start with "M," to get all cranky with me. No, not MadPriest this time. Mimi and Mickey, my confreres in saint-listing.

It's Dame Julian's feast day, you know, and you know she's my fav, right up there with Mary Magdalene. I feel her spirit poking around in my psyche, sometimes, trying to find something saintly. Trying to pull Christian love out of the mishmash that passes for my mind.

Sometimes she succeeds, with teachings such as:

"This blessed friend is Jesus; it is his will and plan that we hang on to him, and hold tight always, in whatever circumstances; for whether we are filthy or clean is all the same to his love."

"Glad and merry and sweet is the blessed and lovely demeanour of our Lord towards our souls, for he saw us always living in love-longing, and he wants our souls to be gladly disposed toward him . . . by his grace he lifts up and will draw our outer disposition to our inward, and will make us all at unity with him, and each of us with others in the true, lasting joy which is Jesus."

When things get tough, as they are wont to do, I quote Julian under my breath: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." I say it like a breath prayer, over and over, and it's incredibly comforting.

On days when it all just seems too hard, Julian reminds me about God's will, not mine, and that I'm supposed to hang on tight to him, "in whatever circumstances."

One of Julian's writings I first read was her vision of God holding the Earth in his (or her) hand, and it was something as small as a hazelnut ("a small, brown nut") held in his mighty palm. Yet he would never, ever lose it, but would treat it tenderly.

It takes my breath away how well this mystic of the Middle Ages understood the fragility of our island home, this fragile Earth.

Thank you, Mother Julian. I love you.

Julian is probably the best-loved of all the English mystics. She was born around 1342, and her feast day is observed May 8. She's believed to have died on that date around 1417.

Presiding Bishop Katharine was called a heretic after her election at GC 2006 for quoting a Julian passage referring to "Mother" God. Apparently, the accusing bishops aren't up on their saints of the church.


For James Kiefer's bio and more samples of Julian's writings, go here.

A glimpse through a glass, darkly

When I looked ahead in the liturgical calendar and found Monnica's feast day coming up, I also read the Bible passages for her feast day, May 4.

One of them game me goosebumps and a little chill up my spine. It was from the Gospel of John. It was one of those "aha" moments, when a passage just clicks, and I have a new understanding or perception. This one gave me a vision of the aching and yearning of a torn creation seeking its Creator, but the promise of something to come from that pain. This is what I wrote about it for the newspaper column, but you know the rest of the story:

The question of pain and suffering in this world comes up often when
people ask me about faith. The question is part of my own wrestling with God.

A faith so simplistic it never addresses doubts isn't deep enough to carry me through the really rough times.

Why, if there is a merciful God, do suffering, sickness, death and mourning exist in this world?

As I was looking at some of the readings coming up in the church calendar, I read John 16:20-24, and I believe it points toward an answer. It gives me a glimpse of things I cannot see clearly, but then Paul told us in his first letter to the Corinthians, "Now we look through a glass, darkly, but then, face to face."

In the passage from the Gospel of John, we are told "Jesus said, 'Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy. When a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come. But when her child is born, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy of having brought a human being into the world. So you have pain now; but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you. On that day you will ask nothing of me. Very truly, I tell you, if you ask anything of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.'"

We will weep and mourn. It has been so since Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden. Bible stories tell us God used to walk in the garden with them in the cool of the evening, and they could walk and talk with him and look upon the face of God.

Then Adam and Eve had to leave the Garden of Eden.

For the first time, they experienced life that wasn't in the Kingdom of God. They experienced suffering, pain, grief, death, injustice.

No more could mortal look upon the face of God and live, until Jesus came into the world. He came and lived among us for 33 years, in the form of a human.

Just as water can flow into a parched desert for a very short time and nourish flowers into bloom, and bring fish and shrimp to life to provide plentiful food for the multitudes, so did Jesus. He came into a parched world and offered life and hope; the Kingdom of God swirled about him like a cloak and touched so many people, leaving hope behind him.

Without hope, we could not endure this world, which rejoices in our suffering.

Now, we wait for Christ to return, never to leave us again. Now, creation aches from being torn from the full presence of God. We wait; we are in the hour, awaiting the birth of our new beings.

We spend most of our lives begging God to spare us.

"Save us from the time of trial," we say in the Lord's Prayer. But we are being refined, and God patiently works on us, just as a purifier of silver holds the metal in the hottest part of the fire to purify it. (Malachi 3.3)

We wait in darkness, but know the light is coming.

We will look upon the face of God again; he will look back at us, and our suffering will end.

"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

God gives us a glimpse into his kingdom.