Sunday, January 25, 2004

A sense of relief

I sat in church today, looking at my favorite piece of stained glass -- a representation of Jesus holding a lamb close to his heart. I wondered if it would be the last time I would sit in the little church in the parish I have grown to love so much. The answer came back, "No." I may not see much of it for a while, but I felt as though I were being given a reassurance that it won't be gone to me forever.

One reason I went there this morning was because I wanted to hear what Father Dearest had to say about the diocesan convention and about his post in the AAC. True to form, he slid it all by. He talked about the innocuous resolutions on the agenda at the convention (nobody, it seemed, was for racism or against good water) and said, oh yes, there was that little thing about the Network of Anglican Communion Dioceses and Parishes. He'll explain about that at a later time. When it can be slid into our parish as a fait accompli, I suppose.

Another reason I went was that I wanted to take communion to a parishioner to whom I've acted as a lay eucharistic minister for the past two or three years. I didn't go to say goodbye -- we didn't even discuss any of the recent events. She's oblivious to the diocesan convention, the AAC, the Network and all of it. I went just in case I end up without a chance to see her for a while.

This all sounds maudlin and dreary, but I actually drove away from church humming a tune, enjoying the bright, clear day.

I've had a growing discouragement with our leadership. It has been weighing on me (as you might guess from reading my positings), and today I felt some of that weight lift. I may not transfer membership to another parish right away, but knowing I've made this decision, after months of prayer, brought a sense of freedom.

I'm not sure exactly what the future holds, but I'm trusting it to the Holy Spirit. May His guidance be on us all.

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