Secrets of the heart
Yesterday I was talking with a young woman who has a wonderful gift from God.
She said she hasn't been using that gift much lately, because she doesn't feel she's living out the Christian message she portrays to the world. She's been sinning, she told me. Doing what she wants to do, instead of what she feels God wants her to do. Miserable, but not repentant enough to change.
I can't imagine her having such a terrible weight on her conscience.
I see nothing but kindness and Christian love coming out of this young woman. I don't know what her sin is, and don't really need to know. I imagine she's someone who's really hard on herself (I spot it, 'cause I got it).
My advice to her was to write what she really feels, and tell God. You can't go around pretending everything's hunky-dory, when you're miserable inside -- how can you have a relationship with God when you're pretending?
God will honor her feelings, and what she tells him, spoken in truth. That's my belief.
The truth will help her, and I can see her helping others who struggle.
A glimpse into the many-chambered heart of another is amazing. How many carry around this pain and negativity, without any outward sign?
It reminds of a poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson I read in school, many years ago:
WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich -- —yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
I pray this young woman will keep talking, first, to God, then to me or someone else. I pray for her healing, and that she will use the gifts God gave her. I pray she will see herself as she is: beloved of God.