Musings on death on a rainy Sunday afternoon
My mother is back in the hospital, and likely won't come out this time. I'm not trying to go see her. It's too far, and I don't have the money for gas, motel bills, etc.to go sit a death watch that could last days or weeks. She's where brother and his family live, and they should be there. Mom isn't really there now.
I'll go pay my respects when she's buried next to my dad.
I went to see her at the nursing home for a last goodbye, after she broke her hip. She was already fragile, and I figured she would go downhill rapidly. When I went in, she didn't know who I was until I told her. She forgot who I was several times during my visit, which I'm sure she completely forgot as soon as I was out the door. But I told her I love her, and her spirit remembers that.
The last couple of months, her mind has been completely gone.
I started dreaming about her a week before I got a call about the latest hospitalization, and I'm sure her spirit has left, too. She was letting me know that. It's just the remains of her body in that hospital bed.
This is a joyous occasion for my mother. She had always hated the idea of being helpless in any way. It was a blessing when she didn't realize anymore she was in a nursing home.
I've been meditating and praying. It's been a good, rainy afternoon, the kind of rain that washes away tears and pain.
Go in peace, Mom. Your creator will heal all your wounds and infirmities, and lift you up as on eagle's wings.
Mom's nurse said Mom is having difficulty breathing, even with a breathing mask, and her blood pressure is low. The nurse called Mom's condition "guarded," rather than "critical," which I take to mean they are not sure how long she will last.
Mom died around 6 o'clock or so this morning. I'm relieved for her; I know she is where she wants to be. Her mind is restored and she's out of that weak shell.
I've been shedding some tears, but I already did much of my grieving after the last visit with her. The warmth and caring of my friends, including all of you, are making this time so much easier than it would be. My love and thanks to you all.