Monday, November 03, 2003

Toby's gone

Toby moved out today while I was at work. I caught him in several lies the past few days and made it impossible for him to keep lying--he had to either go along with the plan for treatment or leave. He had the choice, and he chose to leave. I just wish he'd had the guts to do it without sneaking around. I think he'd been planning it all weekend.

Toby's been telling his AA buddies that he'll lose his job (and I'm forcing him to lose it) if he has to take off for treatment. Not true, his supervisor said, when Toby was in the hospital for the DT's, and again today. They will work with employees who have a problem. They want them better and productive at work. Toby can take family leave when he needs to go to treatment, his supervisor said, then come back to work. But now he will be working day shift, where he will be closely monitored for signs of inebriation or absences, due to his past behavior.

Toby also called the alcoholism counselor this morning, trying to put the quash on residential treatment, telling her not to release his assessment information to the treatment facility. I happened to call right after he did and got this information.

Toby doesn't think he needs treatment. He thinks he's been scared straight. "I've hit bottom. I know if I drink, I'll die and and I'm scared to drink," he said. I think that might be true at the moment, but I don't feel that will hold for long without some intensive treatment and therapy. He's had maybe one sober year out of the last 25 or 28. He'll start wanting a drink to take the edge off the shakes and reason that just a little won't hurt. Or he'll be stressed out and want something to calm his nerves and the process will start again.

I hope I'm wrong. I hope he'll go to AA every day and be sober--no drink or drugs. I'll keep praying for him.

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