Thursday, July 13, 2006

Playing now in a diocese near you:

Pirates of the Anglican Communion:
Dead Man's Province

Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) finds himself drawn into a supernatural battle, when the Archbishop of Canterbury (Robbie Coltrane) charges him with bringing Katharine Jefferts Schori, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church (Keira Knightley), safely to a meeting at Lambeth Palace.

Sparrow arrives in the U.S. only to find the pirate Robert Duncan (Peter Lorre) and his cohorts have raided and looted six dioceses, and taken their people as slaves into a land they have stolen from others and renamed Province X. They declare themselves its rulers. Little do they know the true plans of Akinola of Africa (Darth Vader), with whom they have forged a compact.

Schori tells Sparrow he must rescue the stolen dioceses before she will acompany him to England. What is Sparrow to do?

He knows entering Province X may doom him to eternal Inquisition, endless fundamentalism and intolerable Calvinism. Yet, in order to break the compact, restore life to the Anglican Communion and save the exiles, he must go in.

Schori pledges to stand with Sparrow, as does Father Jake
(Johnny Depp. Or maybe it really is Father Jake.)

Together, they rally the forces of True Anglicanism, the Via Media and the Free Dioceses, under the banner of the Three-Legged Stool.

Sparrow remembers the vials of anti-viper venom and Holy Water the Archbishop gave him (as well as the cross his mother gave him, but which he usually keeps hidden), and holds them closely. Bishop Schori arms herself with the Sword of Truth and holds high the Bible. Father Jake arms himself with the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace and the Shield of Salvation offered to all. They see others around them similarly armed.

What will be their fate? What adventures and misadventures lie before them?

[Ed. Note: these events are fictional, so far.]


Anonymous said...

Arr, harrr harr, matey! Rolling on the floor! Can't wait to read the rest of the adventure.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. I read about the woman who was elected presiding bishop, but who is Robert Duncan? What's a 3 legged stool? What is the Father Jake stuff?

Puzzled in Virginia

Saint Pat said...

Puzzled, here's a very short history of Anglicanism from

Richard Hooker (1554 –1600) was the theologian who affirmed the Anglican sources of authority as scripture, tradition, and reason (a.k.a. the three-legged stool).

Why Hooker?

“Shaped a distinctive Anglican approach that steers a course between authority and reason, giving it adaptability to changing cultural situations.”–Anon

“Hooker essentially invented Anglicanism... He also articulated a distinctive liturgical theology that undergirds our life of prayer.”–Priest and professor

“His argument for appeal to scripture tradition and reason is something that has survived the ages. He is also credited with the term ‘Via Media’ or ‘Middle Way’ which means that we are both Protestant and Catholic. We don't need to decide between these two branches of Christendom because we as Anglicans are unique in Christendom in that we are fully a part of both Protestant Christianity and Catholic Christianity.”–College student, Pennsylvania

kevin beck said...

You have a great blog here. I'm looking forward to reading more.


Prior Aelred said...

Dear Unsaintly --

Here because of dear MadPriest -- a marvelous post that I have sent to all my church friends (expect many hits!)

Saint Pat said...

Thanks, guys. (blush)

Anonymous said...

So Archbishop Akinola is Darth Vader? Is that because he's black?

Monk-in-Training said...

This is hilarious. I will have to keep tabs on it.

For the record Darth Vadar is caucasian his clothing is black and has nothing to do with his race.

Anonymous said...

Bishop Duncan is Bishop of the Diocese of Pittsburgh, my diocese. I think the choice of Peter Lorre is a hoot!!

John-Julian , OJN said...

Just found your blog, and it is a sheer delight!

You know, I always wanted to be holy, too, but it just didn't work out!

So it goes…

Rev Dr Mom said...


Beats T19's version any day!