Tuesday, February 24, 2004

What drives a life?
From Chapter 3 of The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

What drives a life? Warren says everyone's life is driven by something: guilt, resentment and anger, materialism, the need for approval. I would imagine all of us have some mix of these needs and fears, for no one gets through life unscathed.

I spent most of my life searching for some intangible thing that would just make everything all right. As a child, seeking what would make my mother less angry. What would make me more acceptable, though I had a sinking feeling I was not really acceptable. A defensiveness that still causes me trouble.

I drifted into adulthood not knowing what I was seeking. Money and the material things didn't drive me. I desired the closeness of a loving relationship, with no idea of how to find it and the lurking feeling that I never would. I really had no purpose, just a restless seeking.

These needs and desires will probably always have some influence on me. But the Holy Spirit has been pulling things out very gently and showing them to me. It will soon be time to go for more sessions of prayer for inner healing about the things He is revealing. He is gifting me with more and more healing.

The house is quiet tonight. There's no television or radio noise, just the sound of rainfall on the house. The animals are curled up in slumber. I am aware of His presence, as subtle and enveloping as the soft light coming from the lamp on my desk.

He tells me I already know part of my purpose: to worship Him and to be a part of His ministry of healing. The other part is to be a voice. To speak about what is right -- to be a voice of conscience; to speak of Him and His Word. And He keeps talking to me about a calling. I have no idea if anything will ever come of that, though He specializes in the unlikely.

As I've mentioned, I stumble and fall a lot. I fall short of the mark. God picks me up, dusts me off and puts me back on the path. Sometimes he carries me in His arms, close to his heart, when He knows I need it.

God won't waste any of who I am or my past. He will redeem it all, and me in the process. I know my purpose in life: to listen, to seek His revelation, to be obedient to His plan and purpose.

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