'I'm so tired and I just wanna go home'
I made a blitz of a trip to see my mother, 450 miles one way up yesterday afternoon, then another 450 back today, after a visit with her in the nursing home this morning.
Faithful readers will remember she fell and broke her hip a couple of weeks ago. She underwent hip replacement surgery, for which her heart meds and coumadin had to be cut back, then had a bout of atrial fibrillation. Every time she's had one of these bouts, her mental functioning has gone down a notch, I suspect because not enough oxygen gets circulated into her brain. She has Alzheimer's.
She's definitely worse than last time I saw her, in October. Today, she stayed a little confused about who I am, even thought I made sure to tell her a couple of times. She sat and talked for a couple of minutes, though what she said didn't make sense, then the light just seemed to go out. She quit talking and just sat there.
She did this last week, when I called to talk to her. Pain meds could be muddling her mind a bit, but my sense is this is how she is now. She cried and fussed in pain when the aide put her on the toilet.
My mother looks skeletal. She is so thin and without padding, I could see the shape of every bone in her face and skull. The aide said she doesn't want to eat, except for a few sweets. This is nothing new, except maybe the degree. She's grown progressively thinner the last few years.
A nurse told me "not to get my hopes up" my mother would be able to walk around again, or show significant improvement.
No, I won't. I got the sense, sitting with her, my mother wants to go on out of this life. It's just a question of how long it will take her body to cooperate. I anointed her with oil, as she slept, asking God to bless her and keep her, make her comfortable, take away her pain and anxiety, then wrap her in his arms and take her home when the time comes.
I flew back up the highway, longing for my little haven of a home, messy and grubby though it is -- sure sign of a blogger, I hear. Betsy, who is the best dog in the world, accompanied me on the trip, and I was glad for her companionship. She loves to go with me, but even she was tired and starting to fret the last miles of the trip.
I came in, checked my e-mail, fixed supper and unloaded the car while it cooked. Now I'm sitting, thinking, and listening to the great music of the young Rod Stewart, courtesy of MadPriest, as I sip a glass of wine.
Thanks, Maddie. It's just what I needed.